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I Wanna Link Your Brains Out!

written by yankeerudy

For web folks, our drive to get links is no less primal than the human urge to… um, procreate. Unfortunately, many of us go about link building like awkward teenagers. Which of these profiles fit your link building approach?

The Quagmire

Giggity Linkity?

You will link to anything that moves, regardless of how unattractive or dangerous it might be. You’re definitely after quantity, not quality. In fact, you won’t think twice about using underhanded or even illegal means to sneak your links onto another site. You don’t waste time with conversation or work at relationships, you just deliver the cheesy pickup line and move on.

You also regularly hit on sites that you have no chance with, like Wikipedia. Giggity giggity goo!

(Quagmire is the sex-crazy neighbor on Family Guy.)

The Master of Your Domain

master-of-link-domainYou don’t waste time chasing down links from other websites. It’s so much work, and you never seem to get anywhere, so why bother? You build multiple sites of your own and give yourself all the links you can stand.

Sure, these links aren’t as satisfying as a good link from a quality site, but your links are ready whenever you are. Just be careful you don’t go blind.

(In the Seinfeld episode “The Contest” the main characters bet on who could refrain from “self gratification;” being Master of Your Domain meant you were still in the game.)

The Niagara Falls

niagara-falls-linksYou boast about all the links you get, even though they consist of comment spam you place in various blogs and forums. You have alot of them to boast about, but you and I both know that those links aren’t real to the search engines and the only traffic you’ll ever get from them is pity traffic.

You don’t even know how to get links, do you?

(Anthony Michael Hall’s character in The Breakfast Club claimed he had sex with a girl from Niagara Falls when, in fact, he was really a virgin.)

The Charlie Sheen

paid-linksYou could actually get real honest-to-goodness links if you tried to, but for some reason you only go after paid links. Pay per click ads or paid listings, you somehow find these links to be so attractive that you must have them. Repeatedly.

You do know that the authorities (i.e., Google) say you shouldn’t do this, right?

Do you also know that once you stop paying you won’t have them anymore? Yeah, and somehow that makes them that much more exciting.

Yeah… paid links…

(Charlie Sheen was named as a brothel “frequent flyer” at Heidi Fleiss’ trial.)

So are you one of these link chasers? What kind of link builder are you?

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One Response to “I Wanna Link Your Brains Out!”

  1. Surge

    I am none of the above. I guess I do things the hard way. I actually read the blogs that I link to and I try to make an intelligent comment that adds to the site. This is not always accomplished as I am not always the best of authority on the topics but my heart is there. Thanks for the post.

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